Donald Trump denies ever running for President

author avatar by 3 years ago

After Joe Biden was officially designated President-elect, Donald Trump has insisted he only ever wanted to sit for one term as President anyway.

As Biden passed 270 electoral college votes, while still leading in three other states yet to declare, President Trump claimed he had no idea who Biden was running against.

“It certainly wasn’t me,” insisted Trump.

“I’m a winner, and if I run, I win, which is why I didn’t run – the fake news media will tell you that I’ve had my ass handed to me by the American voting public with my opponent winning the most votes in any presidential election, ever, but the truth is I never ran – so it never happened.

“I only ever wanted four years in the White House, and now I can go back to being a really great golfer, a golfer who has all the best scores, especially because I stop counting after the fifteenth hole.”

Meanwhile, Trump’s claim means White House staff have been left confused as to what to do next.

Simon Williams told us, “The rule here in the White House is a simple one, if President Trump says something, we all have to pretend it’s the truth, regardless of how ridiculous it sounds.  Trust me, I’ve pretended some really weird shit is true these last four years.

“So, anyway, my afternoon will be spent shredding Trump/Pence 2020 posters putting badges through the trash compacter.

“How’s your day going?”

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