Pond scum writes to Angela Rayner demanding apology after being compared to Tory MP

Labour’s Deputy Leader has been asked to apologise to fetid pond water after levelling the word ‘scum’ at a Conservative MP.

Deputy Leader and Chair of the Labour Party Angela Rayner was overheard muttering the word ‘scum’ on Wednesday during a speech by Tory MP Chris Clarkson.

Within an hour she had received the following soggy but very angry letter demanding an apology:

Dear Angela,

I am writing regarding an exchange in the Commons Chamber on the afternoon of Wednesday 21st October 2020.

During Chris Clarkson’s ‘contribution’ highlighting the importance of the public health measures being introduced in the North of England, you directed certain comments towards the Member of Parliament for Heywood and Middleton, namely referring to him as ‘scum’.

On behalf of the scum community I must ask you to please retract and apologise for these comments; to compare us to a Tory MP is unimaginably offensive.

Filth on the surface of water everywhere – despite not having been to university – believes that freelancers, the self-employed and people on low incomes should be financially supported by the government when they are forced out of work by restrictions imposed by Westminster.

We also believe that the State should intervene to ensure children living in poverty do not starve to death.

I trust that you will reply to my concerns as a matter of urgency.

Yours sincerely,

Simon Williams, Chair, Association of Pond Scum

P.S. Chris Clarkson is only 37?! Fuck me…

Ms Rayner has since issued a full and sincere apology, saying that it was a heated debate and she should obviously have used a more suitable word.

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