Thursday 1 October 2020 by Lucas Wilde

September ends, Green Day choose to go back to bed


Green Day go back to bed

Green Day have wisely chosen to just go back to bed.

The rock band, who famously declared “wake me up when September ends” were woken up, took one look at the news and another out the window, before deciding they didn’t really fancy it.

“Nah,” yawned lead singer, Billy Joe Armstrong.

“What’s all this Covid stuff… we all have to wear masks and never go out? No thank you. We’re Green Day, not Slipknot.

“We’re just going to sleep until March, 2021. Turn the lights off on your way out.”

Bass guitarist, Mike Dirnt, said, “Hey, look at that, you spelt my name right.

“Anyway, I’ve just seen who’s running for President this year. I’d rather be unconscious than spend any time choosing which dementia-riddled old man to vote for.

“We’re all pretty rich by now so I’m just going to hook this nutrient drip to my arm and sleep until everything is fine.”

Drummer, Tre Cool, said, “I’m the drummer, so I have to sleep on the floor.

“But that’s still better than being awake for one more second of this year I reckon. Granted, I am going to have some absolutely colossal back pain when I eventually DO wake up, but I’m 47 years old now so back pain is a pretty constant companion anyway.”

John Kiffmeyer added, “I was the drummer in Green Day until 1990. As I’m no longer in the band, I’m no longer allowed to take these extended naps throughout large portions of the year.

“I’m kicking myself for leaving now.”

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