Friday 25 September 2020

Man panic-buying toilet rolls for second time in six months providing helpful new definition of ‘insanity’


Man panic-buying toilet rolls again

A man is busy this morning shoving as many toilet rolls as he can into his shopping trolley, seemingly unaware of how pointless it was when he did this back March.

Simon Williams, 52, told us that he was taking “necessary precautions” due to the extra covid restrictions brought in by the government this week, which for some reason he believes will limit his ability to wipe his arse properly.

“It’s just like last time,” he went on, seemingly unaware that last time he was proven to be completely wrong.

“You can never have too much toilet roll in a crisis. Well, technically I suppose you can. As I learned back in March when I bought six months’ worth and then discovered the shelves were back to normal in about a fortnight.

“I do sort of regret spending all that money upfront on toilet roll, when it could have been used for other, more productive and necessary things. Like fresh food.

“But this time it’s different. I mean, yes, the circumstances themselves are literally identical, but I am expecting a very different outcome despite doing precisely the same thing.

“Wait, why have you turned your dictionary to the entry for ‘insanity’ and what are you doing with that marker pen?”

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