Friday 25 September 2020 by Mark Molloy

Man who told wife he was nipping out for ‘quick pint’ last night, fuming at actually having to nip for a quick pint

Man quick pint at the pub

A man who told his wife he was nipping for a ‘quick pint’ last night, was still fuming today after only actually being able to nip out for a quick pint, and nothing more.

Simon Williams, who normally likes to pop out for a ‘Swifty at last orders’ to throw down five or six pints from 9.30pm was livid to find out that he actually had to have a ‘swifty at last orders’ and then head right back home.

“I’d completely forgot about the new ten O’clock,” he told us this morning, still distraught.

“I had heard that they were bringing in this ten O’clock shit, but I thought it was due to start after the weekend.

“I normally like to pop out for a ‘quick one’ at last orders on a Thursday with my mate Bob – we go at about half nine, you know, so we can comfortably throw about six pints down us before getting kicked out and staggering home.

“But last night they rang the fucking bell just as we walked in sodding the door! For Fuck Sake. Do you know how disappointing it is to head out for last orders only to realise you’ve arrived at last orders?

“I literally had one quick pint, like I said I was going to, before having to head back home. It was an absolute joke, the Mrs was pissing her sides when I walked back in forty minutes after leaving.

“We won’t be falling for that one again I can tell you. I’m going out at six next week, just for a quick pint like, to catch last orders.”

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