Tuesday 1 September 2020 by John Bennett

Only professional footballer in world not linked with summer move to Bielsa’s Leeds United sacks agent in disgust


Bielsa's Leeds not linked to player

With the news that even Lionel Messi has been linked with a move to newly-promoted English Premiership side Leeds United, there is now officially only one professional player left in the world not to have been linked with the “slumbering giants”, and he’s not happy about it.

The normally bubbly forward, Prosecco Cattenaccio, of Italian fourth division side, 1FC Fabricato, is clearly not happy about that everyone but him has been linked with a move to the Yorkshire side.

With the West Yorkshire “one club city” famously having been out of the top flight since the early middle ages, it is no surprise that they are spreading their transfer net wide this summer.

However, Cattenaccio has apparently slipped under their scouts’ radar and as yet has not been linked to the club in any of the eight million articles written about their transfer targets.

With his long baggy shorts and Brylcreemed hair, he has often been described as an old fashioned striker. Equally adept with neither foot he has been compared by his mother to some of the top players in the World.

He told us, “I am just what Leeds need, a forward with a nice foreign-sounding name to get the fans excited. Think of the shirt sales!”

Having now sacked his agent he intends to advertise himself on eBay and remains hopeful that Liverpool, driven on by their fans inexplicable hysteria at a lack of pre-season transfer activity, will be persuaded to make an approach.

Leeds, meanwhile, are now trawling the football world seeking reinforcements for the position of club mascot.

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