Tuesday 25 August 2020 by Pete Redfern

Sorry, my aim was a little off, says God after NASA confirms asteroid won’t hit Earth


Asteroid to miss earth

An asteroid hurtling towards Earth on the day before the US presidential election will miss us, scientists confirmed over the weekend, prompting a public apology from the Almighty Himself.

NASA made their statement a few days ago to confirm that the asteroid, known as 2018VP1 only has a 0.41% chance of striking our pandemic-stricken and moron-infested little planet.

Heavenly spokesperson Gabriel Williams gave a statement to shepherds watching their flocks last night which said, “God would like to extend his apologies after his last-ditch attempt to prevent a Trump re-election appears to have failed.

“Our Father, who chucked the asteroid towards Earth a while back, would like to apologise for his aim being a little off, and will try and score a direct – and final – hit next time.”

Republican spokesperson Dwayne Theswamp issued a statement on behalf of the party today saying, “Well I don’t think God’s aim was off at all – this is a sure sign that Donald is the divinely chosen One, destined to serve another four years in office.

“And this is supported by our strong evangelical supporter base. It is clear that this many praying Christians can not be wrong about Trump, no sir, not if they’re praying the way we tell them to.”

There have been unconfirmed reports from heaven that upon hearing this, God has begun work on a black hole which will be due to open somewhere in our solar system towards the end of October.

I inhabit a moron-infested planet – get the T-shirt here!

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