Thursday 13 August 2020

Smug twat had rain


Man enjoying the rain

A smug arsehole in your social media feed is banging on about all the lovely refreshing rain he’s had in the last few hours and the relief it’s brought him from the oppressive heatwave.

Simon Williams, 32, has waxed lyrical this afternoon about the blessed relief granted to him by a 45-minute rain-storm that cleaned the air around his flat and brought the temperature down by about ten degrees.

“It was simply glorious,” he wrote, smugly.

“I went out in just my shirt and stood there in the garden, letting the cool rain run down my chest and back, soaking me to the skin.  Better than any shower I’ve ever had.  I feel like a new man entirely!

“I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to sit in oppressive heat and wonder if you might actually melt.  Isn’t rain wonderful?”

However, despite his obvious happiness, friends of Williams have given his post a mixed reaction.

One wrote, “Fuck off you gobshite, it’s still 30 degrees and humid as a mother-fucker here.  Keep your weather updates to yourself.”

Another said, “I hope you get hit by lightning you smug twat.”

Williams told us that he is entirely comfortable with the criticism he’s received, in fact he’s comfortable with anything really, given it’s the first time in five days that he doesn’t have clammy balls.

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