Thursday 13 August 2020 by Nathan Adler

Nigel Farage warns of Schrödinger’s migrant who is coming to ‘laze around on benefits whilst simultaneously stealing your job’


Nigel Farage on schrodinger's migrant

Nigel Farage has updated Schrödinger’s famous thought experiment by insisting that migrants heading to the UK exist in a state of both lazing around on benefits, whilst simultaneously being out there stealing British jobs.

Farage declared the observation true until said migrant is directly observed, and that there was a dire need for further studies on the phenomenon.

Farage supporter Derek Williams told us, “Nigel’s right. These people clearly need further observation. EU bureaucrats in Brussels have somehow introduced ambiguous and confusing red tape that threatens our widely held lazy stereotypes.”

He continued, “Some bloke down the pub who knows – for definite – told me that Romanians, in particular, have been stealing his job, and if that’s not bad enough, they’re also too lazy to work because cause they’re all on the dole.

“So it’s tricky.

“They need to be studied extensively, secure and in isolation for a prolonged period of time for objective results. Many people are surprised how closely these scientific conditions resemble a prison cell in Strangeways.”

We tried to verify these allegations with several migrant workers, though all claimed to be unable to follow Mr Williams’ line of thinking.

One worker, who wished to remain anonymous stated, “He is stupid prick, yes?”

Local employer Jerome Matthews said that he fully supported Farage’s latest thought experiment.

“I employ a couple of Europeans, yes. And sure, they certainly put a shift in when they’re at work.  But they could also be at home at the same time being lazy and claiming benefits, couldn’t they?

“I don’t see what the issue is?

“This Schrödinger fella sounds smart, how can I vote for him?”

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