Wednesday 12 August 2020

Yeah, well, Ben & Jerry’s is overpriced, insists government that spent £150m on facemasks that don’t work


James Cleverly

After ice-cream manufacturer Ben & Jerry’s chose to draw the Home Secretary’s attention to a few inconvenient facts about refugees and asylum seekers, MP James Cleverly decided the best way to refute their argument is by pointing that ice-cream is overpriced.

After the Middle-East minister took time out from his one-man crusade to prove the fallacy of nominative determinism to question the pricing structure of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, observers have pointed out that if ‘value for money’ is his primary concern, he will shit himself when he sees how much the government spent on PPE that doesn’t work.

Government spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Ben & Jerry’s costs anything between £2.50 and £4.50, depending on how posh your preferred supermarket is, so it is only right we draw the public’s attention to the huge price for what is essentially a small tub of frozen milk and sugar.

“But we mustn’t concern ourselves with the PPE contracts we signed with our mates for masks that aren’t fit for purpose – that was only £150m-ish, which in government terms is pennies really.”

Consumer Eleanor Gay told us, “For £150m, the government could have bought every man, woman and child their own tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream – any flavour they wanted.

“Ask yourself this, which do you think the voting public would have preferred – their own tub of ice-cream during a heatwave, or a warehouse full of PPE that can never be used?

“Hopefully this will put an end to any argument that the government understands value for money.  I doubt it will, but we can hope.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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