Scientists urged to divert attention away from Coronavirus vaccine to create pillow that stays cool all night

author avatar by 4 years ago

Scientists have been urged to put their brainpower to something more critical to the nation’s well-being than a Coronavirus vaccine and to solve the mystery of the pillow that won’t stay cool during the night.

As research teams around the world race to finalise a vaccine that could save millions of lives and help society get back to normal, those who’ve endured three boiling hot nights in a row have insisted such projects “can wait”.

Simon Williams told us, “Last night was ridiculous. The pillow stayed cool for about thirty seconds before I had to turn it over, then the other side stayed cool for only twenty-five seconds, and so on.  Within twenty minutes the pillow was boiling regardless of what side I used. That’s not how pillows are supposed to work.

“How can it be that we can put a man on the moon, but we can’t create a pillow capable of giving the user a few minutes of blessed cool relief during a hot stuffy night?

Simon’s wife Sharon told us, “If they could find a way to stop Simon acting like a fucking oversized radiator in the bed, that would also be great.

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“The pillow is the least of my worries while he’s lying there with heat just oozing out of him. No, I’m not a scientist, but heat definitely ‘oozes’.”

We put the Williams’ concerns to one of the scientists working on a Coronavirus vaccine, and they told us to pass on a message that read; “Invest in air-conditioning you tight bastards.”

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