Tuesday 4 August 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Evidence growing that Russian hackers may be responsible for Tuesdays


Russian hackers responsible for Tuesdays

There is growing evidence that Russian hackers could be responsible for Tuesdays.

For many years, there has been increasing suspicion that Tuesdays are the result of foul play, and now there is mounting evidence that Moscow could be responsible.

“Everything points to the Russians,” said Simon Williams, professor of days of the week at Oxford.

“We can trace an awful lot of unusual network activity at the beginning of each year to Moscow, and we think this would be cyber operatives hacking into our calendars in order to insert Tuesdays at the start of each week in the upcoming year.”

The tactic seems to fit with Russia’s policy of interference in Western democracies.

“Well, it does seem that Russia’s strategic policy is to sew discord and disharmony around the globe, their interference in democratic elections around the globe seems to show this,” continued Professor Williams.

“I certainly can’t think of a better way to foster that disharmony across society than by making people have to deal with Tuesdays every single week.

“I mean, you get through Monday, you think that it’s all plain sailing until Friday and then – Bam! – you’re hit by Tuesday, this dreadful day that seems to exist for no other reason than to delay the weekend.

“It’s utterly demoralising, and that’s exactly what the Russians want.”

There also seems to be considerable evidence that not only are Russian hackers responsible for Tuesdays, but also Michael Portillo’s television career, the last Star Wars films, and the disappearance of Toffos from newsagent shelves.

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