Monday 3 August 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Papal breeding programme branded a success after litter of baby Popes found in Vatican


Baby Popes

A litter of baby Popes found in the Vatican has led to scientists declaring a recent Papal breeding programme a success.

The Popes were found under the desk in the Pope’s private office, and all are said to be healthy and happy.

“There are six baby Popes, which is a terrific number for a Papal litter,” explained Doctor Simon Williams, an expert from the Papal department at Stanford University who had been supervising the ongoing breeding programme.

“They’re all perfectly healthy, although there was some initial concern about little Pope Pius as he appeared to have a slightly bent mitre, but that looks like it is straightening out nicely now.”

It is thought the baby Popes will be fed a strict diet of blended communion wafers and wine until they are old enough for solids in a few months.

The breeding programme had been instigated after it was revealed that there were only two Popes left in the wild and they were both quite elderly, leaving the prospect of extinction a very real possibility unless the breeding programme intervened.

“The Pope is a wonderful and almost magical creature,” continued Dr Williams, “One that future generations should be able to enjoy.

“So, it would have been a terrible shame if we were to let it join the Dodo, the Great Auk and the Dragon in falling into extinction.”

It is understood that the breeding programme will continue until there are enough viable Popes to release into the wilds of the Northern Vatican City and establish a self-sustaining herd.

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