Friday 24 July 2020 by James Backhouse

Washington NFL team changes name to ‘American Capital City Ball-Throwing Persons’


Washington redskins new name

After a long controversy surrounding the use of the name ‘redskins’, Washington DC’s NFL side has changed their name to the perfectly accurate and offensive-to-no-one ‘American Capital City Ball-Throwing Persons’.

The team’s owners, fearing that any new name ran the risk of turning them into Washington DC’s second-biggest laughing stock, quickly re-branded the side as the ‘American Capital City Ball-Throwing Persons’.

“If you ask me the latest name is even worse, yes, it’s an accurate description of who we are a team – but did they really need to rename us players, too?” complained starting running-back, Steroid-Abusing Millionaire.

“I may have spent most of my adult life in a concussed daze but even I could tell right away that American Capital City Ball-Throwing Persons would make us sound like a discount supermarket knock-off of the original team.”

“We were disappointed by the fans’ response to the originally suggested name change, ‘Washington Football Team’,” admitted board member Secret Embezzler.

“We wanted a name that made people think ‘Washington’ and ‘football team’ and we thought ‘Washington Football Team’ did that job perfectly.

“Heck, our marketing people even cried when we told them about the new name. Most of them quit, too… I’m not sure why.

“Still, some people thought that since we’d been considering a name change for many years, we could have come up with a better one, and we accept that criticism. It’s true that with George Washington’s links to slavery there were still some potentially offensive elements in the name.

“We felt it best to change the name to something 100% descriptive of our new identity, because that will delighted everyone, right?”

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