Parliament to be temporarily relocated to Moscow while palace of Westminster repaired

author avatar by 4 years ago

Boris Johnson has suggested moving parliament to Moscow while the crumbling Palace of Westminster is refurbished in order to make Russia interference in British democracy more efficient, saving Russian taxpayers potentially millions.

In a letter to those overseeing parliament’s multi-billion pound restoration, the prime minister proposed the eastern European city as a temporary location for either or both the House of Commons and House of Lords, giving Dominic Cummings, the de facto leader of the UK, more time to devote to his important FSB work.

Prime Minister Johnson said, “Following the recent coronavirus epidemic, public finances are clearly under strain.

“The money that Russia is spending bribing key members of the government and staffing an army of bots to influence our elections could be massively reduced if we simply move the British parliament to the Kremlin and await instruction directly from our benevolent overlords.

“I’m going to try and get Vladimir to give me a hand sorting out this Brexit shit-storm. I’ve got to admit, if I’d have known what a headache it would all be I would have asked for a much bigger bribe, but there’s hindsight for you.

“Dominic is still saying it will be fine, but I think he just wants to watch the world burn as punishment for being laughed at during his year 5 sports day.”

There has been some reluctance among MPs, with one Tory backbencher insisting it wasn’t proper for Russia to have so much influence on British democracy, however he was unwilling to go on record after a shadowy figure handed him a large brown envelope and asked him to look inside.