We can’t find evidence of Russia interfering in EU referendum if we don’t look for it, confirm government geniuses

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After the long-awaited Russia report failed to contain any evidence of Russia interfering in the EU referendum, simply because those behind the report were never asked to look for any, many inside the government are hoping this will be ‘case closed’.

Although the report claims Russia targets the UK, there was no investigation into how, or specifically what they did as part of that targeting.  Something which has left pretty much everyone right-minded voter bemused.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “If the report is simply confirming that Russians interfere, but they don’t know how because they haven’t looked into it, then I’m not sure how it’s any more valuable than a Facebook post I made about this very issue in 2017.

“Jesus, even the Americans, with all their partisan nonsense and presidential buffoonery managed to put together a report detailing how the Russians interfered with their elections backing 2016.

“To say our government is making the Trump administration look competent is perhaps the most damning indictment I can offer of this entire process.”

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However, Downing Street insiders have defended the report’s findings, insisting the government has acted properly throughout the period covered by the Intelligence and Security Committee report.

As one source explained, “Everything has been done by the book.  The book written by Dominic Cummings, obviously.

“It’s easier to think of this is like one those police procedural shows you see on TV, where they investigate a potential crime, uncover evidence, interview witnesses, and eventually form a coherent timeline of events in order to prosecute the bad guys.

“Except in this show, we don’t investigate anything and just say we don’t know for certain if anything bad happened.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here