Tuesday 21 July 2020 by Davywavy

Nation dejectedly prepares for second lockdown after hearing Boris Johnson say we won’t need one


Boris Johnson claims second lockdown isn't needed

The nation has forlornly accepted that a second coronavirus lockdown is now grimly inevitable after prime minister Boris Johnson publicly said we won’t need one.

Voters who were enjoying the beginnings of some semblance of normality in the last few weeks have felt the sombre realisation that a second lockdown is on the horizon after the nation’s liar-in-chief publicly said it wouldn’t be needed.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I’ll be honest, I was starting to feel so much better about things.  I’m back at work, most shops are open again, there’s football on the tele.  I even had a BBQ with some friends last weekend.

“But then Boris goes and says we won’t need a second lockdown and completely ruins it. Everything that comes from that man’s mouth is a mistruth or outright lie, so if he’s saying we don’t need a second lockdown, the only logical conclusion is that a second lockdown is imminent.

“The only question now is ‘are we going to have another run on toilet rolls, or have people learned the lessons from last time?’.

“The only way I could be more sure that a second lockdown is coming is if he goes on TV to categorically rule it out.”

A Downing Street spokesperson told us, “People need to stop reading so much into what Boris says.  We’ll tell you what he really meant after the fact when we’ve decided what looks best for us.

“Just like always.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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