Wednesday 15 July 2020 by Lucas Wilde

People who insist “All Lives Matter” surprisingly pissy about wearing a mask to protect all lives


All Lives Matter guy won't wear a mask

The same people who were pretty hot for ‘all lives mattering’ last month seem to have changed their mind after being asked to wear a small piece of fabric over part of their face.

In response to the Black Lives Matter movement, a lot of the more tedious people on your Facebook wall were countering with “All Lives Matter”, supposedly out of a desire to express the fact that all lives are equally important, rather than to shut down any conversations about racial inequality in the West.

“All lives matter,” confirmed Simon Williams, a fuckwit everyone one of you knows.

“Not enough for me to wear a mask though. That’s an infringement of my right to bare my face in public. This is a slippery slope, you know. One minute they’re insisting on face masks, the next minute it’s a full burkha. Mark my words.”

Sociologist, Hayley Rice, said, “I have marked Simon’s words. Perhaps one day someone will understand them, and the worryingly incoherent thought processes that led to them leaving his mouth.

“We are seeing a strong correlation between people who said ‘All Lives Matter’ and people who won’t put up with the slightest inconvenience to help save as many lives as possible.

“So it’s gone from “All Lives Matter” to “All Lives Matter But Not As Much As My Bare Face”, which is less catchy but at least it’s more intellectually honest.

“Or maybe ‘All Lives Matter’ was just a bullshit soundbite designed to diminish the struggles of black people – but are people really that hideous? Who can say…”

It puts a mask on the skin, or it gets the lockdown again – Get the T-shirt here!

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