China furious as Britain introduces same business controls as China

author avatar by 4 years ago

The Chinese government has reacted with anger today after Britain introduced controls over who has access to its national infrastructure, just like China does.

As the British ordered that Huawei-manufactured components should not be induced in its 5G systems, the Chinese government said that not letting foreign companies anywhere near their stuff is ‘completely different’.

“By not letting China integrate it’s intelligence community directly to their communications system, the British have shown they are not prepared to abide by international norms and want their people to become poor and backward,” said Huawei spokesman Sino Williams with a perfectly straight face.

“Having a warehouse full of people in Sichuan province listening to your business calls and watching through the camera on your laptop is a small price to pay for slightly faster download times on kitten gifs, and we think the British people are the ones who will be the real victims here.

“Whilst retaining absolute control over our national security is one thing, it’s different in Britain as Civil Servants and Ministers just leave confidential documents on the train all the time so we don’t have to try to steal anything.”

When asked if it would be OK for BT to provide infrastructure capabilities to China, Premier Xi Jinping is reported to have replied ‘Fuck off, Gweilo’ before helping himself to another jar of honey out of the cupboard.