Tuesday 7 July 2020

Furloughed worker with every window open in his house delighted at government’s £2bn insulation fund


furloughed worker

After the government chose the middle of the summer to announce plans to spend £2bn insulating the nation’s homes, a furloughed worker with every window in his house fully open has asked if there might be more pressing matters to spend that money on at the moment.

Simon Williams, a 42-year-old furloughed office worker with a mortgage has said that while the idea of saving £30 this winter on his fuel bills is obviously a good thing, at this precise moment he’s a little more concerned about putting food on the table in the autumn.

He told us, “I get it, we want to help the environment, we want to be more efficient, but I also don’t want to go to bed every night wondering where my next paycheck is coming from.

“Two billion quid is a lot of money. I just wonder if maybe there might be a better use for it in the current climate, given I haven’t had the heating on in four weeks and I’m expecting a redundancy notification any day now.

“Maybe throw it in the direction of industries that need the help? Or, heaven forbid, you might give it to the people who need it when they lose their jobs?”

Government spokesperson Tarquin Matthews explained, “It’s important at this difficult time that when we spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need, we still get some really good headlines out of it.

“And frankly, giving another few hundred quid to a furloughed forty-something just because his industry has gone down the shitter isn’t going to cut it with today’s news editors.

“And anyway, everyone loves a nice photo of someone insulating a loft – even in July!”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt

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