Friday 3 July 2020 by Arabin Patson

Britons can now go to any country without quarantine as long as they rent a villa from Stanley Johnson


Stanley Johnson holidays

The government has released its ‘green list’ of countries where UK citizens can go on vacation without having to isolate for two weeks on return, as long as they are symptom-free and have stayed in a property owned by the prime minister’s father.

Simon Williams, the press officer for Minister of Transport Grant Shapps, told the press that the list had been compiled using the latest pandemic advice from people in the travel industry who also happened to have spaffed into Boris Johnson’s mother 57 years ago.

He explained, “We are slowly trying to get back to normal and allow hardworking families to go on holiday in delightful places like Pelion where they can take in the stunning views from the private pool of a six-bedroom house overlooking the bay for just £4,500 per week.

“Or perhaps the best way to shake down the lockdown cobwebs is to sip wine on the terrasse of a converted windmill near Bordeaux for a mere £3,000 a week as long as you keep it quiet as there are passport application issues and it’s claimed as a family home.”

As an aside, Mr Williams also denied that Stanley Johnson’s blatant and deliberate flouting of essential travel rules was a result of nepotism.

“Utter nonsense. Stanley Johnson has been treating laws as only applying to those ghastly plebs since long before his son became Prime Minister. He does not do as he pleases just because one of his spawn is in Downing Street.

“He does as he pleases because he’s so much richer than you.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt!

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