Smokers can’t wait for pubs to reopen so they can spend all night standing outside on their own

A man is looking forward to finally being able to meet up with friends at the pub in order to go and stand outside on his own to have a smoke.

If there’s one thing better than smoking on your own in the garden while your wife glares through the window disapprovingly, it’s smoking on your own outside a pub while your friends glare through the window disapprovingly.

“I’m hardly a forty a day man but I do like the occasional cigarette,” said nicotine addict Simon Williams.

“Smoking while having a drink with your mates is one of life’s guilty pleasures.

“Roll on Saturday then, when I’m meeting up with Dan, David and Pete down The Phoenix. We’ll get a round of lagers in and then they can catch up and put the world to rights while I go and stand outside in the rain for a couple of hours on my tod. It’ll be just like the good old days.

“The last few months have been tough. There have been times when I’ve considered giving up smoking altogether – doing something alone because you’ve got no choice just isn’t the same as actively shunning your friends because the blissful injection of nicotine into your bloodstream is infinitely better than any of their conversations about Brexit or VAR.”

Landlords have warned that social distancing measures will apply to smoking areas – a one-in, one-out system will be a distinct possibility in many establishments.

“Brilliant!” said Simon. “If there’s one thing that ruins a good smoke it’s when someone asks you for a light and you get embroiled in pointless small talk – if I wanted that I’d give up smoking! But with social distancing, I’ll be able to puff away in perfect isolation.

“Thank God lockdown is over!”

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