Newly-minted billionaire Kim Kardashian has just woken from a horrible dream where she went outside with her pants on.
Sitting bolt upright, Kim looked around confused for several moments before realising the experience of everyone ignoring her fully-clothed form was just a figment of her imagination.
Describing the dream as ‘incredibly vivid’, Kardashian spoke of attending a premiere and visiting her salon with ‘absolutely nothing on display’.
Shaking husband Kanye West awake, she insisted he pretend to be interested as she told him about her fully-clothed nightmare.
“It was just awful,” she said. “I had a jacket and shirt on, and quite loose trousers. Nobody was looking at me at all. I’d got all the way to work only realise once I got there I’d covered everything.
“When I got to work, absolutely nobody wanted to take pictures of me.
“God, it was so real. I must be really stressed about something. Maybe it’s the pressure of being a new billionaire? Or maybe I’m just secretly quite self-conscious about my physical appearance.
“Hey, do you think my bum looks small in this? Kanye, I’m talking to you.”
Kanye has reassured her that she’s got a delightfully large derrière, the biggest he’s ever seen, before trying to think of rhymes to ‘bum’ and ‘dressed’ as he drifts back off to sleep again.
To help her calm down from the experience, Kardashian has texted one of her personal assistants with strict instructions to post several pictures of her arse to Instagram this afternoon.