New series of Baywatch to feature David Hasselhoff saving lives by stopping people going to the beach in the first place

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A reboot of the classic early-nineties TV show Baywatch will see David Hasselhoff continuing to save lives, but this time by preventing them from going on the beach in the first place.

Showrunner Simon Williams told us he was excited to bring the reboot to our televisions later this summer.

He explained, “There was a time when if you said ‘saving lives at the beach’ to a television viewer they would picture bright red shorts or bikinis, a buoyancy aid, bright white teeth and very little else.

But rest assured, once they’ve seen our new show they will be picturing head-to-toe PPE and a gallon or two of hand sanitizer.

“We know some people only watched for the beautiful women, and we promise the female stars are just as sexy as they’ve always been, it’s just you can’t see very much of them underneath their mandated personal protective equipment, sorry.”

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Early episodes have been shown to focus groups, with mixed results.

Viewer Derek Matthews told us, “Look, it’s not as sexy, obviously. And the slow-motion shots aren’t all that thrilling – it’s difficult to make a cotton bud up the nose seem exciting –  but the number of lives saved is far higher than I remember from the show back in the late eighties.

“When you’re watching people diving into the sea to save a guy who fell off his paddleboard and banged his head, it’s pretty obvious they’ve saved his life.  But when you’ve prevented a guy from setting up his windbreak next to someone with coronavirus and therefore saved him from accidentally killing the grandma he’ll be having dinner with next week, it’s not so obvious.

“The second episode is a good one, they have this one prick who insists the rules don’t apply to him and claims he was only going to the beach to check if his sunscreen still works.

“You’ll end up hating him like the rest of us.”