Tuesday 30 June 2020

350,000 Leicester residents insist they will only go out and about to check their eyesight


Leicester lockdown

As Leicester became the first individual location to be under a local lockdown, hundreds of thousands of residents have insisted they will only go out in case of emergencies, such as the need to self-administer an eye test.

With Coronavirus cases per 100,000 in Leicester now higher than elsewhere in the country, but still lower than they were across the nation during the initial national lockdown, residents have been quick to say they will take the new restrictions as seriously as any government advisor would.

“I understand the rules, we must stay put, only go out if we have to, yadda yadda yadda,” explained Leciester resident Simon Williams.

“Don’t worry, I plan to treat these new restrictions on our ability to move around with all the seriousness of someone who sat in the room while you made the rules.

“I will only go out if I absolutely have to, like for medical supplies, or if the family fancies a quick road trip to check daddy’s eye sight is still ok.

“Even then, we’ll only go to tourist spots within a thirty or forty miles radius – nothing too far.”

Government officials have been quick to counter any suggestions that the new guidelines are optional.

Health Secretary Matt Hancock said, “It’s important that the voters realise they are not as important as us.  This is very much a case of ‘do as we say, not as we do’.

“There’s really no point in complaining about, you voted for us!”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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