Gary Lineker is determined that the world should not live without Walkers’ crisps.
The former England player turned football pundit has hired a small band of mercenaries and is currently smuggling Walkers’ crisps out of locked-down Leicester.
“We’re prioritising Salt and Vinegar,” confirmed Lineker, camo-paint streaked across his face as he adjusted his beret and puffed on an enormous cigar.
“We’ll get roast chicken out of there if we can, but I can’t promise anything. I’m sorry,” said the Match of the Day stalwart, stomping out his cigar under his boot before jumping into the back of a cargo truck with the crates of Cheese and Onion.
“Gary found us on Fiverr,” confirmed Simon ‘The Hound’ Williams, an Army veteran with two tours of Afghanistan under his belt and a keen bridge player.
“Typically our group is hired for private security or the occasional insurgence into a foreign embassy.
“It’s nice to be doing something truly important for a change,” he concluded, watching on as yet another helicopter airlifted a pallet of Prawn Cocktail crisps out of Leicester.