The Prime Minister’s secret identity as Batman has been revealed after a careless display of superhero strength in this office.
The Caped Crusader has made an uncharacteristic error. By completing a single press-up Boris Johnson has revealed himself to be a superhero – and his enemies are now coming for him.
“Mwahahaha!” said the Joker. “I knew Bats would slip up sooner or later!
“I gotta hand it to him though – disguising himself as an overweight sloth with no moral compass who thinks face coverings are objects of ridicule. Genius!
“But now we know the truth I can see the signs were obvious – the dishevelled hair as if he’d just pulled off a tight-fitting rubber mask, his sleepy demeanour betraying his nocturnal crime-fighting, his natural proficiency on a zip-wire…
“Well the game’s up Batman, I’m coming for you! And then chaos and death will reign supreme! Oh, hang on…”
Meanwhile, the revelation has completely ruined The Riddler’s plans.
“I’ve been blackmailing him for years now,” said the enigmatic figure whose preferred disguise is ‘middle-class teenager pretending to be ‘street.’
“Boris has had to do exactly as I say or I’d spill the beans. What will I do now?
“I might need to use my trump card – I have his children and if he doesn’t follow my instructions I’ll return them to him!”
In other news, Fathers 4 Justice are appalled that a figure they dress up as in an attempt to see more of their children is actually someone who does the complete opposite.
Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!