Monday 29 June 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Boris to prove how healthy he is by having prostate examined on BBC breakfast


Boris to have prostate exam live on the BBC

The Government has announced that comedy Prime Minister Boris Johnson will have his prostate examined live on BBC breakfast tomorrow, to illustrate how fit and healthy he really is.

This follows a failed attempt to demonstrate his virility by performing a press-up for the Daily Mail.

“It appears that for something doing a solitary press-up hasn’t convinced people that Boris isn’t a fat, lazy bastard,” explained a Number Ten spokesperson.

“As such, we will continue to schedule events that will prove to the voting public just how spectacularly healthy he is.

“The first of which will be a prostate exam to be given live on BBC Breakfast tomorrow.

“At around quarter to eight, the Prime Minister will give an interview about the importance of eating healthily, which he always does between his other meals, before dropping his trousers and pants and having his prostate examined by a doctor with the sort of hands you would be more likely to see on a Harlem Globe Trotter.

“He is confident that the exam will be a success and that his prostate will be the largest prostate of any Prime Minister in living memory.”

BBC Breakfast supporters were looking forward to it.

“Oh, I can’t wait,” said Simon Williams.

“There’s something about the paradox of seeing an arsehole have his arsehole examined that fascinates me.”

It is understood that the exam will be performed with Louise Minchin in attendance, who has already booked in several weeks leave to come to terms with the inevitable trauma that will occur.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

Neil also runs satirical movie site Screen Idle – check it out!

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