If you only pay about a million quid for a paint job then it’s bound to be slightly wrong, insist Boris

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Boris Johnson has today hit back at accusations that the Union Flag on the tail of his jet is upside down by saying that you get what you pay for, and he only had the public purse in mind when he scrimped on the cost.

“Look, I don’t like to see a penny of taxpayer’s money wasted,” he told reporters outside Downing Street this morning, as Dominic Cummings strolled in clutching a brand new iPhone.

“Which is why I paid such a trifling, petty amount of £900,000 for the paint job on my plane – wouldn’t want to be seen wasting taxpayer money on a phallic vanity project when there are kids going hungry around the country, would I?

“Sure, I could have paid an extra quarter of a million to make sure the flag was the right way up, but what can I say – I always put the needs of others above my own.

“I know some people have pointed out that flying the union flag upside down can be a coded signal to show you are in distress, but I want everyone to rest assured that Dominic Cummings is treating me very well indeed.”

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He added, “All I can say is, when I fly to Australia to collect the first order of Tim Tams and boomerangs, the Union Flag will then by the right way up – from our perspective. That’s forward-thinking for you, eh?”

Simon Wiśniewski, a Polish painter and decorator from Wokingham, told us “I would have done that paint job the day after he asked for it, for a grand, plus VAT.

“And I’d have got the sodding thing the right way up, too.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get your Boris T-shirt here!