Thursday 18 June 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Amazon reports critically low stocks of any old shit


Amazon delivery of any old tat

Online tat merchant Amazon has reported that its stocks of any old shit have reached critically low levels.

Since the coronavirus lockdown was implemented around the globe in Spring, orders for any old shit from Amazon have increased tenfold, leaving the company and its suppliers struggling to keep up.

“We have been working flat out to deliver any old shit to our customers,” explained Amazon chief Jeff Bezos.

“But after twelve weeks, we are starting to struggle.

“We’re going to put some extra pressure on the Chinese sweatshops that produce any old shit – potties under desks, physical violence, that sort of thing – but customers may have to accept that orders for any old shit may take a little longer to fulfil.

Customers were worried.

“This is a real concern,” said Simon Williams, who is supposed to be working at home.

“Buying any old shit off of Amazon is the only thing that keeps me going during the day.

“You know, it’s nice to hear the postman arrive and see a package, open it up and find any old shit that you bought when you were up late drinking wine at the weekend. It’s the briefest moment of feeling alive that makes the rest of the day bearable.

However, there was some comfort from Bezos.

He went on, “We do still have vast quantities of absolute crap and total rubbish, so if customers would consider switching from any old shit to one of the alternatives, then we should see their orders going out as normal.”

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