Outrage as £1m in taxpayer money spent getting Union Flag tattooed on Boris’ arse
by Chris Ballard 6 years ago 
The government has been heavily criticised for spending a million pounds of public funds just to make the Prime Minister’s buttocks look more patriotic.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that the taxpayer was paying £900,000 getting the PM’s private plane spruced up, it has now emerged that they are also footing the bill for making Boris Johnson’s bum red, white and blue.
“Rest assured that tattoo this represents excellent value for money,” said a Downing Street spokesperson.
“It’s important that the Prime Minister’s rear end looks as British as possible – that’s where he does most of his talking and that’s the ‘face’ he must, therefore, present to the world.
“The inked on Union Flag – which will ripple delightfully whenever Boris breaks wind – will enable other world leaders to look the PM directly in the anus and think, ‘Ah, here’s a man who really means business, who looks after his country; I’d better take him seriously’.
“The tattoo will also double as an actual flag to be flown on important occasions. For example, on Remembrance Sunday a flagpole will be inserted into Boris and he’ll be suspended fifty feet above the Cenotaph on Whitehall – what greater way for him to show his respect to our fallen military heroes?”
Given the nation is still in the grip of the coronavirus pandemic, wouldn’t the money have been better spent on, say, medical equipment?
“Don’t worry,” said the spokesperson. “Boris will soon be touring hospitals all over the country, mooning at coronavirus patients in order to ignite their British pluck and inspire them to recovery.
“That all said, spending another £500,000 getting ‘Winston’ tattooed along the shaft of his penis, that probably was a waste of money, yes. Especially as they could only get as far as ‘Win’.”
Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!
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