Wednesday 3 June 2020

Victory over Internet voting finally lays to rest bitter memories of my defeat against the Gutenberg printing press, insists Rees-Mogg


JAcob Rees-mogg prevents internet voting for MPs

Jacob Rees-Mogg has hailed his victory against Internet voting in the House of Commons, insisting it goes some way to making up for his attempts to stop the Gutenberg printing press back in 1440.

The Leader of the House said that a vote to stop remote voting via the Internet by 261 to 163 was a clear demonstration that society should rebel against infernal technologies and return to much simpler ways, such as queuing for miles around the building in all weather.

Rees-Mogg went on, “In my youth, I did my utmost to prevent the printing press from corrupting society, and I failed. I tried to explain how the printing press would lead us all towards the devil, but my warnings were not heeded.  I think we call agree I was right on that on.

“So as you can imagine, I am delighted to finally claim victory against the technologists who are trying to corrupt the morals of this fine nation and lead us into turpitude.

“I am thrilled to say that parliament will continue in the old ways for the foreseeable future, and however much the world around us changes – we shall not. Which is precisely how your elected representatives should remain – out of touch and inefficient.”

MP Simon Williams, who queued for two hours yesterday to vote against queuing for two hours on every vote, spoke of his disappointment at the result.

He said, “I do wonder how long it will be before everyone realises we get far less done if we have to vote this way.  But then again, Boris will have his audience for Prime Ministers Questions, so they probably won’t care about anything else.”

A cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt!

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