Monday 1 June 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Primark can’t do discounts as that would mean giving money to you


Primark not having a sale

Primark will not be having a sale because “are you mental?” according to reports this morning.

In the wake of the COVID-19 shutdown, the clothing giant has built up a stockpile of clothing worth almost two billion pounds which, in Primark prices,  averages out to two billion items of clothing.

But the clothing giant will not be giving discounts.

“Give over. It’s two quid for a t-shirt,” confirmed Primark CEO, Simon Williams.

“If we discounted further, we’d basically have to give every customer a quid for buying our stuff, and I’m not really sure that helps us – I mean I’ll check with accounts, but it sounds wrong.”

Primark customer, Hayley Rice, said, “It’s a disc race.

“I’ve been a loyal Primark customer ever since they were a thing. If they’ve got two billion quid’s worth of tat just laying about then they should basically just throw most of it from hot air balloons, preferably as they pass by my house.”

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