Monday 1 June 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Government coronavirus strategy enters the ‘Hope it all sorts itself out’ phase


Boris johnson ending the lockdown phase

The Government strategy for managing coronavirus has now officially moved from the ‘Lockdown’ phase into the ‘Hope it all sorts itself out’ phase.

The change in focus follows Matt Hancock’s controversial tweet yesterday that read – ‘Fuck it, may as well start the horse racing up again’.

“The time has come to move out of the ‘Lockdown’ phase of managing this crisis,” explained incompetent sociopath Boris Johnson.

“We are now in the ‘Hope it all sorts itself out’ phase. Rest assured that everyone in my Government will be hoping day-in and day-out that everything sorts itself out.”

There has been some criticism that the Government has moved too quickly to the ‘Hope it sorts itself out’ phase.

“That is not true at all,” continued Boris.

“We’ve taken advice from some of the top experts in the field and he says that by changing phase now and effectively letting people do what they like, we can distract them from our woeful handling of this crisis.

“Yes, it’s likely that thousands more will die. That will make people cross. But it is important to remember that they are dying right now, and the election is four years away. By then most people will have forgotten that we are culpable for thousands of deaths and vote for us anyway.”

It is expected that the ‘Hope it sorts itself out’ phase will last at least a month, perhaps two, and then the Government will move to the ‘Well, it would have been worse under Labour’ phase.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt!

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