Monday 1 June 2020 by Chris Ballard

Donald Trump declares Girl Scouts a terrorist organisation


Girl Scouts of America declared terrorist organisation

President Trump has decided that the bunch of do-gooders who call themselves the Girl Scouts are in fact, dangerous domestic terrorists.

As the atrophy of Donald Trump’s brain reaches a level of severity psychiatrists call ‘cocoa bananas,’ the President has decided that anyone who doesn’t share his narrow-minded, pernicious beliefs must be a terrorist.

“I would say that Girl Scouts are terrorists, no doubt about it,” said Trump.

“They get sent to camps at a very young age and they’re brainwashed. Totally brainwashed.

“Their heads are filled with all kinds of nasty stuff like how women can be as powerful as men and that they should complain if their pussies are grabbed.

“They’re trained to terrorise local communities, going door to door stealing money. They even get taught how to start fires. No lie. They literally do that.

“We can see it now with all the looting and burning in many American cities. That’s the Girl Scouts right there, starting fires. Everyone is saying it.

“Did you know they actually hand out badges for ‘Social Innovation’? I don’t know what either of those words means but it doesn’t sound good for old white men like me. They’re dangerous. So dangerous.

“But enough is enough folks. Big changes coming.

“I’m signing an Executive Order to make Girl Scouts a terrorist organisation. Any members, anyone who gives them money – all terrorists. Jail. Bye bye.

“I’ve single-handedly made America great again. I’m not going to have my hard work undone by an organisation that intentionally gives ‘Brownies’ courage and confidence. That’s the very last thing we want.”

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