Friday 29 May 2020 by Neil Tollfree

US police pledge to redress balance by killing more innocent white people


US police shootings

US police are to make a concerted effort to reduce the proportion of innocent black people killed in police incidents by increasing the number of innocent white people they kill.

“The perception that American police are indiscriminately murdering innocent black people is hugely damaging,” said Police Chief Simon Williams

“So, from today, police departments across America will do their very best to redress the balance by killing more innocent white folk.”

It is understood that some larger police departments will create small teams of officers whose sole responsibility will be to kill white people.

They will be deployed in high-end shopping malls and well-to-do suburbs and will be tasked with killing up to three white people a day.

“That’s a tough target. But I make no apology for it,” continued Chief Williams.

“If we want to win back the trust of the black community then I think that it will be worth the hard work to achieve that target.”

The public had mixed feelings about the new plan.

“Obviously, I’m all for reducing the proportion of innocent black people dying by the police,” said Eleanor Gay, a Boston shopkeeper.

“But, couldn’t they do that by just killing fewer people overall? I mean, I went to France for my holiday last year and the police over there didn’t kill anyone. It was really nice. Couldn’t we try being a bit more like that?”

Chief Williams disagreed.

“Hell no,” he said.

“This is America. People have got to get killed.”

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