Saturday 23 May 2020

We obviously meant everyone must stick to the lockdown ‘unless it’s a bit inconvenient’, clarifies government


government lockdown advice

The government has today helpfully published updated lockdown guidance which explains when and how you can break the rules for your own convenience.

After Dominic Cummings was revealed to have travelled the length of the country while suffering covid-19 symptoms to get some help looking after his son from his elderly parents, the government has felt compelled to clarify when it is OK to break the lockdown rules.

A spokesperson told us, “The lockdown rules were there for a reason, and were very clear on the guidance; stay at home, protect the NHS and save lives.  You can’t have missed it, we said it a lot.

“What you probably didn’t see, because most of the cameras in the biased mainstream media cut it off, was the fourth strand of that guidance, which was ‘unless it’s a bit inconvenient’.

“Which makes perfect sense when you think about it.  And common sense is important, as we keep telling you.

“The rules are there, and you should stick to them at all times, unless it’s a bit inconvenient, in which case you can pick and choose which rules you abide by.  I don’t think we can be much clearer than that.”

Many voters have welcomed the new approach to government rules, saying that the ‘it was inconvenient’ defence would come in awfully handy in a number of speeding offences.

BMW driver Simon Williams told us, “Next time I’m stopped for speeding, and we all know there will be a next time, I will tell the officer concerned that I would have abided by the speed limit, but it was a bit inconvenient.

“I’m sure he’ll have me on my way in a jiffy.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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