‘Clap for carers’ renamed ‘Judge people who didn’t clap for carers’

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‘Clap for carers’ has now been renamed to the much more appropriate ‘Judge the people who didn’t clap for carers’.

Several weeks ago, a well-meaning idea was circulated for people, at 8pm on Thursday evening, to go outside and applaud people working in the NHS.

However, as time has moved on, Thursday at 8pm has become a time to stand on your doorstep and tut loudly at that lot down in number 36 who haven’t come out for two weeks and are probably Muslims or communists, or both.

“It’s just a little bit of rebranding,” said Simon Williams, from the Government department responsible for normalising the idea that applause is an appropriate alternative to regular pay rises.

“I mean, Thursday evening has morphed into something different, and its much more about noticing which of your neighbours aren’t coming out to do a clap and judging them for not joining in with the government-mandated applause activity.”

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The change was welcomed by many

“I suppose I do still clap a bit,” said Eleanor Gay.

“But Thursday evening is now mostly about seeing which of my neighbours are coming out and clapping. It’s disgraceful, it really is. Some of them haven’t been out for weeks.

“What if they get the Covid and they haven’t been clapping? If I was a nurse, I’d probably refuse to treat them.

“Luckily I’m not. I mean, I wouldn’t be. What they get paid? It’s a scandal.”

It is understood that in several weeks, the Government intends to rebrand it again and Thursday evening at 8pm will be known as ‘Report your neighbours who don’t clap for carers to the authorities’.