Tuesday 19 May 2020 by Chris Ballard

Drinking bleach and taking malaria medication doesn’t work, confirms Chris Grayling


Chris Grayling coronavirus advice

Even the man too much of a wally to be given a cabinet position by Boris Johnson has realised that Donald Trump is a moron.

President Donald Trump has moved on from his bleach diet and is now taking malaria medication in order to ward off Covid-19, despite the fact it hasn’t actually been proven to do so.

“The man’s an imbecile!” exclaimed Chris Grayling, the man who once nearly killed a cyclist by opening a car door.

“First that whole bleach thing which didn’t work – it just burned my oesophagus and made me vomit – and now he’s telling people to take malaria medication. That just damaged my liver!

“He can’t have two brain cells to rub together!”

Grayling has developed his own method of preventing infection.

“I eat a Fry’s Chocolate Cream every day and I haven’t had coronavirus,” he said. “I told Boris and Matt about this but they didn’t seem interested.

“I found it incredibly frustrating when Dyson and other manufacturers were asked to make ventilators. We wouldn’t need extra hospital equipment if all those resources were directed towards upping productivity at the Fry’s factory!

“Anyway, due to the lack of government action I was forced to use my initiative. I’ve spent the last two months travelling the country posting Fry’s Chocolate Creams through the doors of care homes.

“A word of warning though, this doesn’t work with Fry’s Orange Creams. My wife eats those and she’s had coronavirus.

“She was all horrible and clammy when I cuddled her in bed!”

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