Monday 18 May 2020 by Pete Redfern

God struggling to stay logged in to every church service on Zoom


Zoom call for church

Our Father who art in heaven is having bandwidth difficulties, it has emerged.

With thousands of churches around the world now holding their weekly service online, the Almighty has been left flustered and frustrated as he attempts to take part in each one.

“Oh my ME, this is so annoying!” he exclaimed to a passing tech support angel.

“I’ve got about eighteen thousand tabs open on my laptop, each with a church service that I’m supposed to be at, and they’ll be able to see if I log off.

“I’m getting prayer requests left and right clogging up my email inbox and frankly I don’t know how on Earth I’m supposed to keep on top of it all.”

He added, “I’ve tried to delegate some of it to Jesus but he’s constantly occupied with taking part in Cards Against Humanity games on WhatsApp with some of the Hindu gods.”

Tech support angel Simon told us, “The problem isn’t so much the bandwidth available in Heaven – it’s because we’re cloud based.”

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