Yorkshire and Lancashire wondering if they can socially distance from each other indefinitely

Britain’s two chippiest counties have applied to extend social distancing from each other indefinitely, according to documents released today.

Yorkshire and Lancashire – whose rivalry extends back centuries and is inexplicable to the outside observer as they both seem pretty much the same – have asked the government if they can carry on pretending like the other doesn’t exist and keep a fair distance forever.

“T’thing is they’re all just soft on t’other side o’ Pennines,” said a spokesman for either Yorkshire or Lancashire.

“An’ they don’t speak proper like, like folks from t’proper side.

“All we’re asking is that they stay on their side and we’ll stay on ours and then we don’t have to put up wi’ their crap all t’time.

“And if t’government would formalise this by asking t’police to nick anyone trying to use t’Snake Pass or t’Woodhead, that’d be great.

“They could turn people back if they didn’t have a good reason to be crossing t’Pennines, which would be everyone, as there isn’t one.”

When asked where he was from, the spokesman muttered something like ‘Heckmonthwaitedalechester’, which left nobody any the wiser.

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