IT salesman Simon Williams is today claiming to have blown his sales target out of the water after spending the last day of the month posting proposals to every lead he could find.
Williams, who was believed to be about 70% of the way to meeting his monthly target, now claims to have reached 122% of the required figure by virtue of the fact that he put 40,000 proposals in the post on the last day of the month.
“I can’t wait to get my commission cheque with all the associated multipliers for absolutely blowing past my target,” he told us.
“No-one saw this coming two days ago, I was well below target, and now here I am at 122%!
“My fellow salespeople can’t believe it, and I know the management here were very suspicious when I said I would still hit my target this month despite being so far behind with only hours to go – well, they’re not laughing now!”
However, managers at Williams’ firm has announced that he has not, in fact, reached 122% of his target.
William’s regional director told us, “No, we won’t be paying him his bonus, and that’s because we know how to count and we’re not complete morons.
“What sort of simpleton would count something towards a confirmed target simply by putting it in the post? Unless your target was to ‘put lots of things in the post’, obviously.
“No, he will be judged on the sales he’s actually completed, just like everyone else, and just like it’s always been.
“And yes, that does mean he’s a failure.”