Friday 1 May 2020 by Chris Ballard

Man who needs ‘sugar boost’ actually just a greedy bastard


Man eating chocolate as a sugar boost

A man who stuffs his face with biscuits whenever his ‘energy levels are flagging’ is nothing but a glutton, it has been revealed.

There are many ways of dealing with tiredness. Sleep is a good one, though for some reason this method isn’t very popular – many people cite it as ‘boring’ and nowhere near as good as watching the telly.

Experts suggest that regular exercise can reinvigorate your system during the day and help you sleep better at night. On the other hand – breathlessness and sweat – eww!

Some people like to pump their system full of caffeine, ideally via the medium of overpriced americanos but by shovelling instant coffee granules directly into their mouths if absolutely necessary. This can have fantastic short-term effects but often leaves you feeling lethargic and migrainous when the impact wears off. It’s therefore best to limit your coffee intake to seventeen cups a day.

Drinking plenty of water is a much better option. The trouble is that water doesn’t taste very nice. Bland, almost.

Tired man Simon Williams has the perfect solution.

“Whenever I need an energy boost I simply eat a bar of chocolate or four or five biscuits,” he said.

“The sugar is really stimulating – like mint tea-tree oil shower gel for the soul.

“I start my day with a really sugary cereal like Coco Pops – sprinkling a bit of extra sugar on top for good measure.

“That sets me up until well into the third minute past ten when I have a couple of Penguins. Just keep eating sugar whenever you feel a dip and you’ll never experience the phenomenon known as a ‘sugar crash’.”

Do the natural sugars found in fruit have a similar effect?

“Er, no, I don’t think fruit sugars are as boosty,” said Simon. “Try a banana or something by all means, but best follow it up with an entire packet of Jaffa Cakes.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been talking too long and am feeling a bit tired.”

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