Friday 1 May 2020

Man left wondering where to find latest news about the Reptoids that secretly run the world after David Icke banned from Facebook


David Icke banned from Facebook

A gullible simpleton is this afternoon struggling to find out the latest news about the Reptoids that secretly run everything after David Icke was banned from Facebook.

Icke’s official page was banned from Facebook for spreading false information about coronavirus, and not, surprisingly, for suggesting everything that happens around you is caused by inter-dimensional shape-shifting lizard people.

Local idiot Simon Williams says that Icke’s ban has left him unable to determine why everything is going wrong in his life.

He told us, “I did a shop this morning, and when I got home two of my yoghurt pots had broken, making a right mess.  Now, was that 5G tweaking the structure of the pots, or did the shape-shifting lizards disguise themselves as a supermarket worker and secretly squeeze the bags until they popped?

“How will I ever know if I can’t get David Icke’s truth in my feed?”

Expert and non-moron Michael Matthews told, “Conspiracy theorists are an incredibly lucrative market for business people like David Icke, because if I can get you to believe the world is run by shape-shifting lizards, then I’m not going to have any trouble whatsoever getting you to spent thirty-quid on my book, which I claim will save you from them.

“I mean, let’s not rule out that he is genuinely a bit ill, because the delusions he suffers do have a hint of mental illness about them – but the fact that people like him and Alex Jones over at Infowars have become multi-millionaires should lead you pretty quickly to identify their real motives.

“The thing is, if your life isn’t going great – and that applies to a lot of people, unfortunately – then it’s very easy to succumb to someone like David Icke claiming that none of it is your fault, and the world is secretly conspiring against you.

“But let’s be honest, it’s much easier to convince you if you’re a bit of an idiot.”

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