Thousands of people stunned that a company called ‘Virgin’ has somehow provided frustrating and disappointing service

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Thousands of people across Britain have been left shocked and confused that a company with the word ‘Virgin’ in the name has somehow left them unsatisfied, after Virgin Media confirmed a series of intermittent outages had occurred throughout the nation on Monday night.

The outages were tracked via Downdetector, which claimed to have received over 30,000 reports about the Virgin service immediately seizing up as soon as they touched the remote.

“It was very frustrating,” said one subscriber, who recently moved to the service.

“I sat down to watch a movie last night on the telly, but before I knew it, my Virgin Media box had blown through the entire movie in 10 seconds and then completely gone to sleep.

“I tried to get it going again but I just got an error message saying ‘Sorry, this usually never happens, we swear’. It was so disappointing. In the end I just watched some porn on my phone and called it a night.”

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The telecommunications provider, which was initially called NTL:Telewest before a drunk executive got too chummy with Richard Branson on a yacht, has stated that the issue was due to a technical failure, which had since been resolved.

“Around 17:00 BST on Monday night, Virgin Media experienced an unfortunate and completely unprecedented service interruption,” said a spokesperson for the company.

“The issue occurred due to a technical malfunction, and NOT, as has been claimed, because we were feeling really nervous.

“We would like to assure all of our customers that this was absolutely a one-time thing and that we’ve done this loads of times before, we promise. Please don’t go back to BT.”

Other subscribers took to the Internet and social media to vent about some of the issues they were seeing during the outage.

Said one commenter, “Unbelievable from @VirginMedia. Thought I’d quickly clean the dust off my VM box before watching an entire box set of The Jonathan Ross Show, but as soon as I gave it a quick blow, it just exploded right in front of me!”