Thursday 30 April 2020 by Davywavy

Facebook somehow forgets to add a ‘nobody gives a shit’ reaction


Facebook reactions to include couldn't give a shit

Facebook has somehow forgotten to add a ‘nobody gives a shit’ reaction to their platform, despite adding the ability to ‘hug’ a post earlier today.

It is believed the ‘nobody gives a shit’ reactions would have found extensive use on political memes, and photos of your cat and endless lists about the albums that made you the tedious bore you are today.

Amongst other buttons, Facebook neglected to add options for ‘If you don’t stop posting this crap I will hunt you down’ and ‘I am actively stalking you’, both of which would help users more accurately reflect their true Facebook experience.

Facebook acknowledged that everyone has days when they just want to scroll down their friends list going “Shit, shit, boring shit, tedious shit, untrue shit”, but they had been persuaded not to add a reaction to cater for this need at the last-minute after getting begging letters from a popular but unnamed satirical website that feared the consequences.

A Facebook spokesperson told us, “Obviously we want our users to get the best functionality possible from Facebook, which is why you can offer a virtual hug to people you haven’t physically touched in a decade, but we decided not to extend that to allow you to easily express your opinion of motivational quotes posted by someone we all know ate cereal direct from the box for every meal yesterday.

“Because…because…okay, I’ll be straight. If we allowed you lot to be honest about how you really feel towards each other we’d lose half of you overnight.”

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