Wednesday 22 April 2020 by Harry Palmer

American protestors demand the resumption of mass shootings


US mass shootings to resume

Thousands of Americans have taken to the streets to protest against the restrictions on mass gatherings due to COVID-19 and to demand that their civil rights to congregate and be shot at by heavily armed mentalists are reinstated.

After a significant fall in the number of mass shootings across the country due to the lockdown, protestors have accused some governors of infringing on their freedom to be needlessly slaughtered in school or at large public gatherings.

“We demand the civil liberties that have been removed by the communist liberal snowflake atheist elite be reinstated immediately,” insisted right-wing Michigan wack job Billy-Bob Williams.

“Just like is says in the Bible, it’s the God-given right of every American to be gunned down by an ideologically warped mentally unstable fellow citizen who has easy access to automatic weapons.  It is clearly enshrined in our constitution by the Founding Fathers that we all have the right to walk the streets in fear.”

Meanwhile, the NRA has supported calls for the lockdown to be ended.

“Due to restrictions on movement, mass shootings are way down on where they should be at this time of year,” explained NRA President Chuck North.

“In March the schools were shut and as a result there were no teenagers killed by deranged sexually frustrated classmates with access to their parents’ assault rifles; that’s an attack on the American way of life.

“The NRA supports lifting the restrictions but we accept there will be certain concessions to COVID-19.

“For instance, we would insist that all lone gunmen wear face masks and stay at least 2 metres away from their victims.”

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