Wednesday 22 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Dad adamant white bits off satsumas will ‘come in handy’


man peeling satsuma

A dad remains insistent that the family save the white bits off of satsumas as they may ‘come in handy’

Simon Williams, a toenail auditor from Chelmsford, Essex, has pinned an envelope to the wall, next to the fruit bowl, with instructions for the family to save all white bits off of satsumas in it.

“I’m just being practical,” claimed Mr Williams.

“We don’t know how long this Coronavirus thing is going to go on for, and I don’t want this family to find itself in a position in a year’s time where we’re going – bugger, I wish I hadn’t thrown all the white bits off those satsumas away.”

Mr Williams admitted he was unsure what the white bits off satsumas were for.

“No, I don’t know, I’ll give you that, I don’t. That’s a fair criticism of my plan to keep all the white bits off satsumas.

“But the white bits must be in satsumas for a reason, mustn’t they? Otherwise, you’d just get satsumas with peel and no white bits. I mean, that’s just how evolution works, isn’t it?

“For all we know, the white bits in satsumas have got ancient healing properties known only to the druids of ancient England.

“So I’m not taking the chance, not with the lockdown going on.”

It is currently expected that the envelope full of satsuma white bits will end up in the same drawer in the garage as the jiffy-bag full of mini babybel wax covers and box of avocado stones.

“They’ll come in handy as well,” Williams added.

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