Billionaire Scrooge McDuck has denied hoarding in a time of crisis, and instead insisted that he is putting his vast resources to work to help the country through the difficulties it currently faces.
McDuck, who has applied for government funds to help his international business empire survive the downturn, rejected that him living in a grain silo on a luxury private island not paying any tax was a reason to deny him taxpayer funds.
The industrialist has asked for the bailout funds to be delivered to his island in a dumper truck so he can just tip it straight in with all his other money.
“So for sure I’ve got a silo full of loo roll stashed on Quacker Island,” he said in a press conference from his beach.
“But they’re for essential, immediate personal use and the armed guards, comedy chipmunks and tooled-up anthropomorphic bear are just for company.
“I’ve worked hard all my life to create work, and allegations of nepotism just because key divisions in my company are run by my three nephews are baseless.
“By pure coincidence, they just happened to be the best people for the jobs.
“If Donald Trump can give friends and family key jobs, why can’t I?”