Pandemic fears as number of people claiming they were bullied by Priti Patel rises to three

author avatar by 4 years ago

After a third person came forward with allegations of bullying by Priti Patel, experts fear the problem could be much more widespread.

Alarms were raised when part of Whitehall was cordoned off earlier today following the discovery of a red-faced senior civil servant sobbing their heart out in a toilet cubicle.

Experts now believe the Home Secretary could be responsible for a ‘silent pandemic’ of sustained, abuse, intimidation and general gobshitery, however, to-date the numbers of those making official complaints have remained thankfully small.

According to statistics, those most at risk include anyone who has recently travelled to Downing Street in an official capacity and people aged 18-65 who are lower on the career ladder than Priti Patel.

Professor of Harassment and Belittlement Studies, Simon Williams, said, “The warning signs that you have been bullied by Ms Patel include having vivid memories of being screeched at in a corridor by a woman with an immovable grin and an impeccable CV, if you disregard the unauthorised trip to Israel.

“Other people have reported torn clothing and a sudden urge to piss their pants at a constructive dismissal hearing.

“The good news for anyone exposed to the bullying is that early indications appear to show it is unlikely to prove fatal, but our guess is that it depends on just how much of this mess is down to your own incompetence, you pathetic little worm.”

He added, “Don’t worry about turning up for work, as you probably received your P45 a couple of weeks ago.”